I believe there is a balance of yes and no.  If we habitually say yes to everyone else’s needs while saying no to our own, we may be sacrificing our own happiness just to please others.  What happens to our overall satisfaction level when we do that?  I’m hedging my bets that it goes down!  What happens when habitually say no to opportunities, requests, possibilities, ideas, just because we are afraid of failure, not being good enough, etc…..  We shut out the possibility of getting something in life that we really want.  This can come in the way of a new job opportunity, relationship, relocation, monetary gain and so on.

I finished yoga teacher training in May of 2010, I didn’t start teaching regularly for 2 years!  That’s right, I said no, over and over and over again.  It wasn’t due to lack of jobs, I’m fortunate enough to have some yummy friends and mentors in the bizz who were right there, ready and willing to give me a job.  Lucky me, right?  Well, I said no, primarily because of fear.  I came out of yoga teacher training expecting myself to teach like the teachers and gurus in the world who I had been a student of for 10 years.  Well, if that isn’t some pretty unfair expectations I don’t know what is.  I made one excuse after another, the schedule doesn’t work, I don’t have availability, and the location is wrong, blah blah blah.  In reality, there was that little voice that said “you will never be good enough” “you will never be a good yoga teacher” “you are not as good as FILL IN THE BLANK.” YIKES and I believed every story.  I fed it, gave life to it and it….. well…..  paralyzed me.

Fast forward, 2 years later, I said yes, I started out slowly, writing out and researching each and every class I taught, fear filled, and forced myself to teach.  I chose to step into and face my fear.  Why?  I live yoga, it’s what I breathe, it’s how I show up in the world, you see teaching yoga is just a natural expression of who I already am.  It’s my life.  It just makes sense right?

I’m taking the summer off to be with my family and to explore being a yoga student first and foremost because that is really what I love being.  I will learn more and more about myself because unless I’m armed with a written out plan, I’m still timid about teaching yoga.  I’m going to have fun seeing what else I can come up with!

I invite you to really take an inventory of your own life, day by day, moment by moment of the things you say yes to and the things you say no to.  Are you saying one thing when you really mean another?  By saying yes to a deepening relationship, there might be an ending.  By saying no to a job opportunity, there may be a cut in pay for great job satisfaction.  Each yes has a consequence and each no does too.

It’s about finding the balance, saying yes when you mean yes and saying no when you mean no.  What is the old saying?  “Say what you mean and mean what you say”

Well…. I went on to get married 2 months later, got accepted to PT school and started that summer.  I started running, literally and figuratively from an early demise due to heart disease.  I’ve never looked back….  My career as a Physical Therapist turned into a career shift toward wellness.  I’ve become a Wellness Coach, Yoga Teacher, Reiki Practitioner and have worn hats such as Personal Trainer, Nutrition Specialist and more.  My level of physical fitness has never been at the level that it is now, participating in triathlons, road races, long distance bike rides, and power yoga.  My nutritional habits are becoming more refined each year, low-fat, low-sugar, vegetarian, veganism, green smoothies, etc….  I’m crossing all of the T’s and dotting all of the I’s.

One thing I wasn’t prepared for was how my relationships would change.  I don’t leave anything unsaid, I tell people I love them.  I had a conversation the night before my Dad died on the phone with him.  I had just returned home from work and he was calling me that night at 10 PM to tell me that his stress test came back negative and he would be okay.  As tired as I was, I said “okay Dad I’ll call you tomorrow and come see you”…  I never got the chance.  The next time I saw him was in the emergency room.

I know this is dramatic and the reason for this blog is a very self-centered cathartic one.  I’m sharing because if there is one thing that you can learn from this experience, take it.  Every January 7^th comes, it’s always sunny and chilly just like that day AND every year I’m sad, no less than the year before.  My Dad never got to walk me down the aisle, never got to meet my kids, never got to see my home, however, I can hold the precious memories of my Dad in my heart forever.  Don’t take one single day, friendship, relationship, moment, spoken word for granted.

I was on the phone that day with my best friend Kelli; our friendship was strained after that for quite some time.  We came back together, through work, a few years later and our relationship keeps getting stronger and blossoming more and more and maybe that wouldn’t have happened if the circumstances were different.  Ironically enough, I was with Kelli this morning for a swim, we reminisced, I cried and she was there for me today, just like she was that day 16 years ago.  You see, we are now both part of the same club, longing for a “visiting room” in Heaven as she lost her Mom last April.

Her life will be changed forever too, as a result of that one day in time.  May you all cherish your days, moments and all that is meaningful.

I miss and love you Dad, keep the sun shining and the ice cream cold  xo

Hello, Shannon, wake up and realize, IT’S SO NOT ABOUT THE LIST!!! The questions we all ask ourselves, governed me during this season. Did I spend enough? Did I buy enough? Do Grace and Gwyn have enough? Etc… One would think that I know better, well one does not! I think with my new found awareness though, there is much hope for 2013, huh? Let’s hope so, the anxiety builds the day after Thanksgiving and miraculously disappears 12/26! There’s something to this….

I’ve, very recently, witnessed an amazing show of love for humanity by my 6 year old Gwyn. She came out of bed on Wednesday night, the eve of the impending snow storm, sobbing and very sad. She could not allow herself to fall asleep because of the aching in her heart, knowing there were people without warm beds and food. Once again, I sit in witness and amazement to one of my two little peace loving, hippie chickies; blooming into Giants, humanitarians and environmentalists. I do gush, can’t help it!

I shared this heart-felt story with my dear dear friend Chris, who I’m fortunate enough to spend time with when I come to Maine and she too was so moved to tears. Then the knitting began! Hats 4 Hunger was born. With Gwyn’s inspiration, Chris’ knitting hands and my “behind the scenes” support, we are hoping to raise money to feed the hungry. It’s a start….

I am then reminded of how I opened my heart this Christmas in a very different way; seeing things through different lenses, without judgment, doubt, and fear. With a new willingness of trying again, a renewed sense of faith that things will work, trusting, loving and accepting…. Because of this new opening, I experienced one of the best Christmas’ ever. Not because of presents or gifts, but because once I said YES to the opening of my heart in a new way, love blasted in like a fire hose. Cool stuff!

Those are just 2 examples of what has made my season truly meaningful; helping others, shining my light, giving to the less fortunate, believing, risk-taking, faith, trust, 2nd chances and on and on…..

Okay, there’s hope, I think I’m starting to get it! What unexpected gifts did you receive this year?

Happy 2013! May your year be ABUNDENT in the unexpected flow of intangible gifts!

With much love and humbleness,
Shannon xo

As I sat there listening, my Coach self showed up and I asked her what it would look like if she let people take care of her, I mean really let go of the “care taking” role and let her support crew do their job while she does what she dreams of. She looked at me in astonishment and said “I can’t do that, I’ve never done that, I can’t let go, I wouldn’t want to disappoint anyone.” I then offered her the opportunity to practice with me just for today. She reluctantly said okay. She allowed me to make her bed so that we could commence with reiki. She sat at the table, resting, while I went in and took over for her. When I returned to the kitchen she said “I’m sitting here shaking because I allowed you to make my bed.” It was obviously difficult for her to do.

I thought, but didn’t say, “Wow, here you are at the end of your life, you have an amazing team of supporters and you can’t even just let go; now in the end, take back your moments, what remains of your life and do whatever it is you darn well please. Just allow it, let go and live your life out the way you want to.” As the obvious reality hit me over the head like a 2X4, I empathized, witnessed and even sympathized this distorted AND all too common way of thinking. Mine, not hers! Even in the end, it is impossible for this woman to relax into who she really is, what she really wants to do, in the comfort of her own home. She is still role playing, taking care of others and not honoring her truth, still looking to find herself at the end of life.

How many of us do this? How many of us have and live through “tolerances” or “obligations” instead of what it is we truly desire? This can manifest on so many different levels of our existence; physical, emotional, spiritual and personal. It’s never too late to tune into your true nature and listen to your deepest desires and dreams. How, you ask? Quiet the noise, quiet your mind, and LISTEN!!! That’s all it takes. If you find yourself saying “should” “could” or “I guess” then it’s probably not in alignment to your truest self. What would it be like to take back your moments? Once again, we are at the precipice of mindfulness…. That’s what it always comes back to, doesn’t it?

Back to my story, my patient allowed me to care for her, even if just for my visit. I got her settled, started reiki and within minutes she fell into the deepest, most peaceful, restful level of sleep I have ever witnessed a person obtain. I couldn’t even wake her to tell her I was leaving. She slept this deeply for 3 hours, which was evident by her apologetic phone call upon waking. She let go…. she allowed….. she rested within herself…… she experienced deep peace…… THEN…. She apologized. “Hey, it’s a start…” in her own words

Rest peacefully and deeply in the very nature of YOU!
Shannon xo

My first patient was chosen for me specifically to receive reiki; I was thrilled, not only for the excitement of my anticipated assignment, but to be utilizing a skill that I could barely wait to offer. I got the directions, packed my bag, plugged in the GPS and set off on my way; a new way, a new way of existing, a new beginning, a new way of being…. You see, once I became a hospice volunteer, the moment I said “YES”, my outlook had no other option but to change. The level of mindfulness that I previously possessed in my life, morphed into something greater, never to return to its old shape.

I have been granted the opportunity to share a snippet in someone’s life. Not just any ole’ someone, a fellow human being who has been given 6 months or less of life here on this earth. As I mentioned, I do consider myself a pretty mindful person, but the questions, scenarios, and what if’s started to play out in my mind. In a bittersweet way, I know some of the answers of these precious, curious questions. I experienced hospice from a very personal level during the death of my beloved Uncle Jackie just last year. He went to the doctor for an ear ache and died a month later of very aggressive thyroid cancer. In a sense, I was a hospice volunteer then, I just didn’t know it. I was his niece, first and foremost. I sat with him, gave him reiki, snuggled him with blankets, talked to doctors, comforted my Mom, comforted him, bought him iced coffees, watched TV with him, talked, sat in silence and all of the rest. You see, I had so many mindful snippets of time with my Uncle that I will be eternally grateful for.

I arrived at my patient’s house, this precious being, that I may be a source of comfort to. A fellow human being who is me, and I am her. There really is no difference. We may live in different homes, with different circumstances, but, in the end there is no difference between the two of us. She knows when she will die and I don’t. She may actually have an advantage to this knowledge. She may choose to honor, cherish and lavish in her remaining snippets of time, one snippet at a time. She may realize the fragility of her ordinary Monday, the greatness of each passing holiday, and not take one single breath for granted. A lesson we can all stand to learn from….

As she lay in her bed, breathing with the assistance of oxygen, I imagine she is a shell of what her former self must have been. However, there was a very deep peace that I could sense within her, I knew was within me, and in totality, between us both; two strangers, having met 15 minutes prior, now in the depths of a very intimate relationship. There was a deep, accepting silence, except for the hum of the oxygen machine, her labored breaths and an occasional offering of what she was experiencing. My hands grew warm on her frail frame. I could feel the healing energy being poured into her entire body. She was receiving like a sponge, nurturing each and every cell, taking it all in. The questions returned in my mind, the what if’s, the wonderings of the possibility of more family involvement, etc… etc…. etc….

I then invited myself gently and quietly to just be. Just be with this soul. Just be here in the NOW. Honor this snippet of time for I am her snippet and she is mine. Together we breathed, we existed and we rested as our breath became one, as she became me and I became her.

What will you do with your snippets, the past doesn’t matter, the future hasn’t happened, can you truly exist in the here and NOW without judgment of what is or isn’t? The person on the street, in the supermarket, at the bank is no different than you and you are no different than them, you are merely sharing a snippet in time……

Enjoy your snippets!
Shannon
xo

I drive to the gym in the pitch black, munching a pre-swim banana with the inner prayer and intention that this nourishment will provide the sustenance to swim just a tad bit better than the time before. I make my way into the locker room, securing my belongings, snapping on my cap and goggles, going through all of the motions that all of the swimmers in the class dance in as well. After all, we are all the same, right, you are me and I am you? Well, the yogic side of my brain says “YES that’s right Shannon we are all the same regardless of swimming ability, after all you dragged yourself here to move and that’s all that matters.” The ego side of my brain says “well, no you are not the same, you see, you swim much much slower than everyone in the pool, in fact, the slowest.”

Here we go, we warm up by swimming 200 yards, I think ok if I’ve given this much effort and it’s just the warm up, I’m in for it. I participate in the various drills, 250, 200, 150 and an all out 100. The coach gives me extra time to rest in between and takes 50 yards off of MY distance each time because as the others are finishing, I’m still a pool length away. My mantra is “it’s okay, you are still great, look at it this way, someone has to be last and it may as well be you, you can take it, freeing someone else from that pain and misery.” Ah, the caregiver in me takes over. How nice of me to volunteer for that job.

I’ve made peace, so, maybe I swim slower, so maybe I can’t swim as far, it’s all good, AT LEAST I CAN SWIM, at least I’m exercising, at least I woke up breathing this AM. So often I council my clients to enjoy the journey without being attached to an expected outcome; I decided to practice what I preached!

Well, want to know what happened? I got paired up with 2 of the fastest swimmers in the pool for an end of class relay. ME, RELAY? Are you kidding? I thought, why not???? I had to swim, first with 2 apples in my hands, our team won. Then I had to do the backstroke while balancing a pumpkin on my stomach which allowed me to use only one arm at a time, they put me at the end of the relay line. Guess what? Our team won again! I TOTALLY ROCK AT BACKSTROKE! The “fasties” even commented!

The take home message is get out of your own way and enjoy the journey; once you resolve yourself to that fact, you may actually be able to enjoy what you’re doing at a much more mindfully deeper level AND you may even surprise yourself with an unexpected outcome.

So, although I had made peace with desiring an outcome, ahem…. I have to say I was pretty excited about the sweet reality that I was gifted with. Find the Zen in anything you do today! Just for the simple act of being!

Enjoy the ride! (or swim, or whatever…)
Cheers!
Shannon

Do you go through you day complaining, displaying negativity toward others or toward yourself, wishing things could be different, sad, mad, depressed? If so, what is going on internally for you to be in that state? I’ll tell you! It’s either love or fear. All other emotions are born from these 2 main feelings. They cannot exist at the same time. So… if you go about your day as I have described above, what are you fearful of? Not being good enough, expectations being too high to meet, not being lovable, fear of rejection, fear of failure, etc… and the list goes on?

What state of mind would you be in if you acted and lived from a place of love? You may experience, love, bliss, joy, peacefulness, gratitude, gratefulness, appreciate, etc…. How dare you? giggle giggle

It only takes a 9 year old to realize that the negativity of potential and existing world leaders is wrong and damaging. If they are at the top and are among our teachers and mentors, we are in a heap of trouble and so are our children. They need some serious Coaching. I bet we could have fun figuring out their fears!

What can you do, just for today, to live from a place of love and dissolve fear? Just for today? Watch it change, watch the ripple effect of your world on others…

In Peace and fearlessness,
Shannon

Not to say that we cannot or should not get upset by life’s small challenges, I’m merely suggesting not to get caught up in the stories that go along with them. It is our humanness, histories, perspectives and beliefs that create the drama; egos that need constant stroking. When we can take the veil off of what we think makes us, US, then we can see into our true nature of what really makes us, US! When we allow our true selves to be stripped naked of expectations, strivings, false identities, ego stroking, attachments, unhealthy desires and such we have the ability to put things into perspective quickly because there will be no emotional strings attached to our circumstances. I could list all of the stories, expectations (believe me I got lots), etc… that were attached to triathlon, but I don’t need to, I know what they are.

A life lived mindfully, which I believe is the solution to most of life’s problems, can eliminate the excessive drama that we attach to our situations. Reframing, letting go and remembering impermanence can be powerful, powerful tools to a life lived blissfully, while graciously counting our TRUE BLESSINGS AND GIFTS!!!

Peace and Gratitude,
Shannon

When we take the opportunity to just be, to listen, observe, step back, we afford ourselves this very experience of seeing a stripped down version of ourselves. The raw Self, the Self that exists without anything else. That Self, that Knowing, who is truly in touch with the Source of our own greatness, our own giganticness, the Source of who we truly are when the rest is absent.

There is a risk in walking in our Truth. When we are on a back porch, alone, without distractions, opinions, suggestions, and such, it’s very easy to sit with our Truth. However, in our day to day lives, we are afforded the opportunity of other people’s input, offerings and ideas which, if we are not mindful, can cloud our own judgement and put a damper on our authenticity. We begin to question, doubt and fear.

As I continue to sit here, it is clear to me where I’m headed in my life. I’m clear that I will continue to teach yoga, offer Wellness Coaching and provide energy healing, at least in the form of Reiki. I realize all that I am, I acknowledge the Source of my own Divinity and the Knowing that where I need to be, at this moment, is exactly where I am.

What will it take for you to do the same? Maybe spending some time in nature, journaling, or meditation; go ahead, be fearless and walk proudly in your Truth! Don’t deny us the Authentic YOU!!! Be Well…… Shannon